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- Hacker News
- by ndr
- About 2-3 months after the birth of my first child, I started “seeing” the baby’s face vividly whenever I would close my eyes, when I was falling asleep but other times during the day as well. It was not a conscious-voluntary imagination, more like an artifact of my brain rewiring priority numero uno. Our second child is now 3 months old and I have not experienced similar, perhaps because the brain changes already settled down before his birth.
- Tetris effect, but with the baby!by balfirevic
- I had nightmares about bad things happening to me before. Like, getting ran over by a car, or falling off a cliff.
When my wife got pregnant, it stopped. I started having nightmares about bad things happening to my son instead.
Fun.
by otikik - Becoming a new parent I knew I'd sleep less and be tired all the time but what I didn't know was simultaneously how much energy I'd have to keep going. It's almost like low grade, months long adrenalin rush. Very strange.by morkalork
- Fascinating how things that are most relevant to continuing your species are the things with the hardest coded behaviors.by WarmWash
- and yet: paternal filial cannibalismby coderatlarge
- the only thing that I noticed that changed in me was my sudden understanding of what "fear" really is.
I had not experienced fear prior to becoming a father. The thought of one of my children being ... i'm not even going to say anything more. Use your imagination. That kind of thing scares me so much more than it did before I was a father.
by naikrovek - One of our tech leads at work tried to do a team building exercise where we'd go around the table and name our greatest fear.
I was very glad to have been late to that particular meeting. It would have been pretty awkward for everyone if I'd started crying at the table.
by pavel_lishin - The first born defenitely changed me somehow. As if some evolution gene was suddenly ordering me "You will protect this with everything in your power!" The second born, not so much. Perhaps the brain was already settled in the right configuration :)by b3lvedere
- With the first kid you sterilize everything. After that I guess you learn how much dirt they put in their mouths and don't bother.by fullstop
- This mental shift can also occur before your first born.
Some men who are fathers now had to jump in early as the older sibling due to unreliable parents. Some of those men also chose not to be fathers. Taking responsibility for others is a broad range of experiences.
For all that is said about "dysfunctional" families, sometimes adulting early leads to better outcomes because you were given more time to think.
by sublinear - For me, my first born taught me that love is infinite, no matter how much I loved my wife, that little creature was getting all my love as well, somehow as if there were some parallel source of infinite love for the two of them.
Our second born, taught me that exact same lesson, again - that no matter what, there will always be three human beings in my life for which my love is infinite, and that I would step in front of a bullet for any one of them.
Whereas before it all went down, I was pretty much all alone, now I know for sure there are 3 other human beings I will want to say goodbye to, properly, some day.
by MomsAVoxell - Do any of these studies account for new parent sleep deprivation?by derwiki
- I slept way less and more fragmented when I was a student.by spiderfarmer
- > new parent sleep deprivation
Think the 9to5 culture make its even harder. It takes a village, probably 2 if you've got twins / triplets+. 9to5 is not something "long childhood" can be compatible with? https://onbeing.org/programs/alison-gopnik-the-evolutionary-...
by ignoramous - As a dad, I have a strong compulsion to tell (bad) dad jokes. Ideally puns. All the time. I didn't used to be this way.by mcbishop
- my Brother in pungnaciousness.by codeduck
- Literally laughing out loud to this.
I can relate.
by danesparza - As a daughter, I approve. Hell, I'm the one telling them to my dad most of the timeby mghackerlady
- Are your kids teenagers already? Telling them in front of their friends is 10x better.by fcatalan
- Becoming a dad made me a sensitive snowflake crybaby :)
There were a lot of days on which I cried more than the baby. Diagnosed with anxiety disorder, but then they said it comes with ADHD and probably has little to do with the baby.
> As many as one in 10 men will experience paternal postnatal depression or anxiety. The symptoms often look different in dads—anger or sudden outbursts
Oh well.
by patates - I fully experienced postnatal depression, starting around 12-15 months, and it wasn't until relatively recently (my kid is now 18 years old) that I realized it.
We were living in a 1 bedroom in the city when we had our kid, and moved to a house in a suburb when the kid was 9 months old. My wife and I both worked, but I had a longer commute and a job that frequently required later evenings. Between the job and keeping up the house, I had a few minutes in the morning, random holidays, and part of one weekend day to really spend time. I spiraled into depression and insomnia, overwhelmed by all the work required to keep up the house while also feeling like a terrible father and husband. I was withdrawn, had angry outbursts, and my daily work routine involved sitting in my car in the train station parking lot having a good cry before heading home.
Before our kid started kindergarten, we decided to sell the house and rent a place in the city. Our apartment was about a 30 minute walk from my office with my kid's school as the 1/2 way point. I was actually able to walk my kid to school every day, coach sports that started at 5pm, and have both weekend days available to go on adventures around the city.
by fatnoah - Becoming a dad simultaneously made me more empathetic (seeing a little person from the beginning for all they are) but also more impatient (fewer hours in the day), but beyond that not much. Given the notoriety about some of the techniques referenced in this article [0] curious if others notice anything more consistent.by greenflag
- After my child was born, I could no longer even look at newspaper headlines where something bad happened to a child.
Now, I can read the headlines, but I still can't read the articles.
by pavel_lishin - With four kids, I think I have grown more patient with people in general. Also one who got more sentimental.by hoyd
- I can add to the personal experience piece. I am way more emphatic, to the point I apparently now tear up on certain movies/shows. Also yeah way more impatient and honestly more selfish now due to lack of personal time.by JoeBOFH
- Empathy, I’m not sure, but I can confirm the lack of patience.
I had less time, less energy, and my tolerance for BS plummeted accordingly.
by doubled112 - Exaggerating a bit, I felt like my old self was dead and I just happened to somehow have inherited his memories.
But a more concrete thing: While before I might have been saddened about bad things happening to kids, like any normal person would, after having kids myself I experience an stronger reaction:
I get almost physically ill when I hear about kids getting harmed.
by fcatalan - > I get almost physically ill when I hear about kids getting harmed.
Same. I literally have trouble sleeping after hearing about things like this.
by fatnoah